Electromagnified

Fleeing the room as the kitchen’s microwave starts up, my mother searches for her electromagnetic meter which is buried in the back of the car because of its incessant and causeless beeping. In her effort to test the electromagnetic field’s threats to the human race, Mother, in gallant self-sacrifice, stands face to face with the microwave, slowly backing away until the beeping slows and the dial points to green. All cooking must be done from this distance. Though the damage most likely is real, the absurdity of this little dinky beeping meter surely validates our constant dismissal of the rule.